The Last Guide You'll Ever Need

Archive for the ‘Pre-Apocalypse’ Category

Don’t Cup Your Hands

In During the Apocalypse, Post-Apocalypse, Pre-Apocalypse on June 26, 2009 at 10:30 am

Cupped Hands

Don’t Cup Your Hands: The Cheapest and Best Water Bottle for the Apocalypse

Water is possibly the most necessary thing you will need in a post-apocalyptic world. Why? Because, dum-dum, water is the body’s principle component and it makes up somewhere between 60 and 70% of our body’s weight. Without water lubing up our various systems, the body can begin to break down and damage itself. Toxins aren’t cleaned out, nutrients aren’t carried to vital cells, and you can begin to dehydrate, all of which saps you of precious energy.

Read the rest of this entry »


Ear to the Ground: Pig Flu

In Pre-Apocalypse on April 27, 2009 at 8:47 am

Bird flu, SARS, killer bees, anthrax, Y2K and now Pig Flu. We just don’t know what to be afraid of anymore!  Better watch the news (and all the intermittent ads) to be sure you’re safe.

I really believe this swine mania will pass with a week, but there is a chance it could get ugly. So far, those with proper medical attention and healthy immune systems have recovered. However, when a virus is able to jump from an animal to a person and then from person to person  it can mutate, making it harder to treat or fight off. 

So, let this serve as a warning if you’re not currently ready for a pandemic. At the very least, stock pile some medication and canned goods. (Fruits, veggies and carbohydrates) Also fill up at least 10 gallon jugs of water and put them in your basement. 

Remember, don’t be afraid, be prepared.

Get Some Long Johns

In Pre-Apocalypse on April 2, 2009 at 11:53 am

I wear long underwear six months out of the year. Now, in the spring, I go through a transition period. Like a moth emerging from a cocoon when the time is right, I determine the right springtime temperature to peel off my long-john chrysalis. Currently its 42 degrees and I’m hot as hell. I must soon transition, but going long-john free is hard to do. It’s like crack, once you’re used to the warmth and comfort, it’s hard to think about going back to that naked chilly feeling.  (Continued…)

Read the rest of this entry »

Ear to the Ground: Zombies

In News, Pre-Apocalypse on February 17, 2009 at 11:40 am


Bug-Out Bags

In Pre-Apocalypse on January 30, 2009 at 11:09 am

A friend of mine is preparing for the Apocalypse. In his list of equipment he has included a bolt cutter. Instead of arguing further with him that carrying a 15 pound bolt cutter around will be a waste of time and energy, I’ve decided that each person intending on surviving this armageddeon should prepare two bags. One has all the items that are considered luxuries like soap, radios and bolt-cutters. The other bag is smaller and only contains the necesseties. This is called a bug out bag. It has all the essential gear you need in the event that you have to make a quick get away. (Continued)

Read the rest of this entry »

Stay Informed

In Pre-Apocalypse on November 28, 2008 at 11:10 am

All the planning and preparation will get you nowhere if you aren’t ahead of the game. In order to survive the falling society, you’ll need to be out from underneath it. That means get out of the city.

If you are already out in the country huddling in your bomb-shelter, then good, wait there. If you are in a office cube reading blogs all damn day then you better stay informed on current events so you’ll have a head start down the elevator.

Imagine when it all goes down. May it be a Nuke, a virus, an economic disaster or the elderly revolution, there will be a massive traffic jam on every out-bound road in every American city. If your sitting in that, then you’re pretty much screwed.

The key is too get out before the rush. Read the newspaper, watch the stars for asteroids and of course check this blog frequently for warnings. Be smart about what you read and have the foresight to see if it will effect you. If some Duke named Ferdinand gets assassinated in Europe, it may not seem like a big deal, but you never know if it may cause a world war…It’s happened before.

So, if you see warning signs head home grab your stuff, your family and head to your safe location.

Escape from the Twin Cities

In Pre-Apocalypse on October 31, 2008 at 9:15 am
Your New Home Town

Your New Hometown: Baudette

If you’re in the city when it all hits the fan, you’re in trouble. Cities are most dangerous places to be before, during or after an apocalypse. I understand most of you nerds out there are living in the city and will be looking for a way to get the hell out. I can help. Just send me your location and some details (vehicle, family, etc.) and we’ll figure out an escape plan for you. First up is my hometown: Escape from the Twin Cities.

The good thing about the Twin Cities is that it’s the 20th biggest metro area.  Baltimore and Fort Worth Texas are more likely to get attacked.  Also, if someone did want to bomb us, they’d pick the Minneapolis side and they can all go to hell anyway. However, it’s best to be on the safe side so you better have an escape plan and a final destination.

Whether it be a sudden or gradual disaster that sends you running for the hills. Your goal should be to head north. There may be nice farm land south of you,  but you should also try to head to where you think there will be the least amount of people. People at this time will be desperate, sick and unruly. Leave southern Minnesota to the refugees from Des Moines and St. Louis…. (continued)

Read the rest of this entry »

Get a Gun

In Post-Apocalypse, Pre-Apocalypse on October 6, 2008 at 11:20 am

50 Caliber Hawkins!
     Gun possession is a controversial subject. In our pre-apocalyptic world a lot of people do not want guns around because they are dangerous. Don’t be a pussy. Once that apocalypse hits you’re going to wish you had one. If you’re a big anti gun person you can pat yourself on the back while you lick soup can labels and the rest of us get an adequate protein intake.

“Well, I can grow food and if I really want meat I can trap it”, and you may be right if the “apocalypse” is more like big tea party then a world wide calamity. The hard truth is that as the apocalyptic conditions go from bad to worse, you will likely have to be on the move. With the collapse of society, certain climates are going to become increasingly dangerous. If the apocalypse ushers in massive climate change of the cold variety, you had really better be ready to move. Now don’t throw away those seeds, but if you have to be on the move, hunting may very well be your only chance at a consistent source of food…..
Read the rest of this entry »