The Last Guide You'll Ever Need

Let’s face it, You’re not ready

If society fell apart this afternoon I’d be willing to bet you’d die. You’ve spent your life learning how to ‘cut and paste’ or how to master E. Honda’s Hundred Handslap in Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo, but when the world comes crashing down and you’re hungry, you’ll be eating crunchy Ramen noodles and wondering how your own pee tastes.

Lets face it. You’d die.

For your sake I will be posting tips and answering questions on how to survive the coming apocalypse. Personally, I have it all planned out and this blog is to help those plan for their escape from the collapsing rubble of our society. Email me your particular situations, along with your location and environment, and we’ll hash out a plan for you.

ApocalypseGuide@gmail.com

  1. I live alone and live at 46798 I just need to know the best way to head so I might survive this.

  2. Hello, I live in Lewisville,NC 27023, and I need some help. How/ When and Where do I escape when the apocalypse rolls around? I have many things that are able to aid me, such as ATV’s and Guns, but will that be enough? ( Of course it won’t, but im talking generally)
    I need a way out and find a path to Safety. I also was wondering about using a High Velocity Air Rifle in the place of a gun, if you are trying to stay quiet when you hide.

  3. I have a arsenal of weapons and ammo downstairs, Including
    1. Machete
    1. .22 Rifle
    1. 12 Gauge Shotgun
    1. .38 Special Handgun
    1. .44 Magnum
    1. Chinese SKS Semi-Auto Rifle.

  4. All of you are fucking lunatics!

  5. YES! We are indeed! 😀
    Lets just say, Im ready for this!

  6. So, what about after the fact? I get the initial survival but what resources should we stockpile to sustain?

  7. I have dogs, horses, guns, lots of food, and an easily defendable home position. Ha! (lol)
    No really, I do. It’s just funny to say it. Ha!

  8. We are trying to reduce fear by spreading knowledge and humor. If you really want to turn up the love, when you get your self some nice warm mittens, get a pair to share with your neighbor.

  9. will we be properly able to protect ourselves from contracting genital warts when the healthcare system collapses? should i buy extra condoms? (and do you think some of those hot, frigid b***hs will finally be willing to give up the cookie in exchange for protection and freeze dried macaroni and cheese?)

  10. Yeah riiiight… I’ll send YOU the location of my stocked solar/wind powered, wood heated uber-remote cabin and arsenal!

    Anyone serious about preparedness, regardless of faith, check out the LDS forums. Unless you have had far too much military training (it still keeps me awake) their forum is the best route.

  11. I’d like to see a plan for downtown Baltimore, MD if you have the chance. I am a disaster prevention and emergency management professional here in one of the crime capitals of the world and welcome your input on how to survive Baltimore post-apocalypse (I actually cannot tell whether it is pre-, during-, or post-apocalypse in Baltimore currently). Thanks for the input.

  12. Apocalypse, Let me get this strait, this is in the bible right? Ok. so all the christains will disapear and goto heaven. yatta yatta… well if that happens. then all of the god fearing people would be gone. right? so why would we even plan for anything. cuz once those Luni christains are gone. Life will smooth out and everyone will get along. no wars. it will be utopia!!

  13. that guy, you are retarded. I’m no Christian but…you just said so many things that make me wanna stab you.

  14. You seem awfully confident. What will you do on day 20. Week 20. Month 20 of any crisis. Where will you live? How will you eat? With whom will you network? It’s not just about a few MREs and a Bug Out Bag. You need a broader off-the-grid philosophy and some humility about how dependent you are on modernity broadly understood.

    PS What are your qualifications? Are you living off the grid with well water near Bozeman? If not, you’re probably doomed. Survivalblog.com is a much better website for this kind of information.

  15. lets see, im 16.i want to protect my family, and my girlfriend.
    I live in suburbia in northern d.c
    1. what guns should i get in the coming apocolypse?
    2.i just got my drivers license, what would be the best vehicle?
    3.should i venture out to save survivors? or should stick close to home and worry about myself?
    4.what knd of excersse plan should i work on?(cardio or core?)
    5.should i stick close to home, or try and find a more suitable location?
    6.how much ammo should i have for my guns
    Here are a few of the guns i would use,
    -assualt rifle-REC7(6.8 cal. rifle, has reliability and punch of ak47, and the accuracy of an m16)this rifle rarely jams
    -sniper rifle-m21(7.62 nato, semi-auto, accurate and powerful,10 round mag)
    -shotgun-mossberg 590(12 guage, pump-action, 8 round shell capacity)
    -handgun-USP 45.(45. ACP, semi-auto, 12 round mag)
    -handgun-colt 1911(45.acp, semio-auto, 8 round mag)
    -handgun-m9(9 mm, semi-auto, 15 round mag)
    -handgun-glock 17(9 mm, semi-auto, 17 round mag)
    -combat knife-ka bar(7″ clip point, very sharp, durable and reliable)
    -combat blade-machete(20″ matte black)

  16. I’m thinking that since they seem to predict this coming soon I don’t want to be the fool and have nothing to survive, I live in Omaha ,NE 68117 so can you help me make a plan.

  17. Roach,

    Protecting and feeding that many people will be difficult, damn near impossible. You have to think to yourself: “What will I do when my rations run out and my guns run out of ammo or need to be cleaned?” Invest some time into that machete, it will pay off.

  18. Creative thinking, being able to problem solve and having resourceful friends and family is going to help more than anything. Being a doctor won’t mean squat if you don’t, and no one that’s with you, understands combat tatics. Of course if you know how to fight but can’t even build a proper dog house, or cultivate food you’re just as screwed. Getting out of the path of danger is easier on your own, but surviving the destruction of life as we know it takes a lot more; it takes numbers and useful, diverse people more than anything else.
    As far as my plan. 1) grab my gear 2) call those that matter to me 3) get to our little peace of wilderness. Even if people would try to come and take from us, the resources they’d waste to accomplish all that would outway the gain. And more than a few of us have various military backgrounds.
    * a new show is on discovery, It’s called the colony. check it out

  19. Im becoming more and more worried about this ammo shortage. One can only do so much with .22 rounds. Even the 9mm rounds at walmart have been sold out for weeks. Im thinking about setting up a reloader and getting a shotgun. (I know… gasp… he does not have a shot gun yet!) I have been focusing on building up my skills more than my arsenal. I am making archery equipment, blow guns, and brushing up on the swordplay.

    Im interested in the more apocalypse-tech stuff. I downloaded a schematic to buils a wood gasifier and a couple other things but Im at a loss for how to actually assemble it and then how to modify engines to run on it. Hit me back for advice or idle banter.

  20. Ok what am I missing? I have ( takes a deep breath) Weapons- sawed off pump shot gun, Scoped pellet rifle. machete, two steel handled axes, tons of knives hatchets ect. a few old school hand tools. (Hand crank drill, saw ect. Bow, Soon to make a cross bow. hand made blow gun. Home made wood stove, My problem is I dive a cavaler, and live in a trailer park in Ky. While my safe house and apocalypse colony live in Mi. any suggestions?

  21. I have just recently been thinking about my supply and what to do and so on. First i thought about my location, i live in a small town near Mt. Rainier, roughly 18 miles away. I know that community will evolve in my town, what worries me about that is the religous lunatics that will make us a danger to our survival. I plan on doing a hell of a lot of scavenging, with a hardware store right down the street from my hous along with a market and gas-station i should be able to supply myself with things once the starting commotion is over. i don’t own a gun, being 14 and with a mother who dosen’t trust me with one. I have two dogs, one that will probably become food when rations get low, and one that will help with hunting and scavenging. I have a supply of high protien bars in my bed-room, one a day could last two months. i have an overstock of vitamins, about 5 bottles, 80 in a bottle. I have prescribed meds, mostly painkillers and antiinflammitories. I have some first aid training. I have been working on gathering a large collections of “How to’s” (hence how i got to this website) which i plan on printing several copies of each, and laminating two copies of each. I have PLENTY of firewood, and so do my neighbors *evil grin*. Also, my neightbor closest to me is a firefighter, he has several safes with ALOT of guns and ammo, so looting his house is a definite possibility. I do not plan on staying in my house, i have considered barricading in my high school, and going to the band room, only room with two exits, and only room that you can go out the window and on to the roof. I would appreciate if you review this, tell me what i’m missing, what i should change, so on. Thank you,
    Rebel

  22. What about underground living? When I read ‘The Road’ one of the things that was soooo frustrating was (spoiler alert, sort of) that they couldn’t stay in that little bomb shelter they found. It was so sad that they had to leave that little haven. Couldn’t they have hid the entrance super well and stayed down there until all the people-eating blew over?
    This got me thinking about what the most awesome underground shelter would be like. Kind of a bomb shelter, but more of a “totally hidden for years in a self-contained, completely sustainable underground super-fort” sort of place. The key features I’ve thought of are: 1) entrance can be hidden from the inside, 2) totally camouflaged and weather-proof ventilation and surveillance systems, 3) major water catching/filtering system including a big ol’ septic tank, 4) exercise-powered generator/battery systems, 5) grow-op set-up for underground veggie gardening, 6) tanning bed (because sunlight is pretty much done).
    Obviously all that, plus major canned food storage, weapons cache, and manual powered radios and flashlights. I’m thinking that if a person/small family could just hide out for the first year or two or five, you’d be made in the shade. Literally.

    I’d say the possibilities merit some major discussing.
    Thanks, love this blog,
    Paranoid Momdroid

  23. This is amazing, keep it coming.

    Maybe address food? I’d love to see your insight on this.

  24. I’m ex army so i’m ready when all hell breaks loose. When things fall apart the survivors will need me to help kill the muties, and then they’ll make me their king MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  25. A trick I learned from an old redneck in north central Florida:::

    You can get a large amount of sparks to start some tinder for a fire by scraping a uncerrated sharp steel knife along the underside of a toilet bowl tank cover. BUT, by doing this, you can easily dull or ruin the blade you use. It’s best to carry a strong,small pocket knife to do this, and use a better knife for other uses. I’ve talked to alot of “survival” experts and NONE of them knew this.If your near any housing with a water closet (bathroom), you can always be able to start a fire with nothing more than a knife,fuel, and oxygen. Try this little trick in your own home. It works! You might have to use some pressure on the strokes, but it’ll happen with very little practice. Good luck!

  26. I don’t know if this has been mentioned, but you will all be on foot. (Have snowshoes or X/C skis been mentioned? Because you will not go far in snow without them.) In dry conditions, I would consider inline skates on asphalt/concrete. You can cover allot more distance in a shorter time.
    On day one of an apocalypse, ALL fuel stores will be seized by the military. ALL roads will be owned by the military and militarized state police. (this is already in place). You will absolutely be confined to your immediate local region. If you are in the rockies or apalachians, they will INSTANTLY become smaller through advanced survellience (you will not be as covert as you think you are). You will be surveilled from above by technology you cannot imagine. (this is already in place). There will be NO treated water. You can survive about 40 days without food, but in cold, dry weather you will need allot of treated water EVERY DAY, especially if you are moving around within a couple thousand acres to find food.
    If it’s cold (as would be the case post thermic event), your threats are probably in this order:
    1)exposure/frostbite; you’re dead on night #1 if it’s cold enough and you do not have shelter and/or REAL winter wear.
    2)dehydration; you’re dead in a couple of days. (cold, snowy climate is even worse for dehydration)
    3 military/police who will be incarcerating everyone they find in the internment camps. Crowds will instantly be controlled through soundwave and radio wave equipment. (sounds so loud, you are instantly disabled and the radio waves burn you into submission in about 1 second.)
    4)civilians – looters/theives and who are also now potential disease vectors;
    5) starvation; ranked below human threats because starvation is slow. (The wrong human will kill you instantly, or kill your chances of survival by stealing all your gear AND clothing, incl your rifle/ammo and treated water, virtually guaranteeing imminent death for you.)
    6)infection; You will need soap to keep you and your clothing clean. A staph infection will kill you, and if you’re not clean, you will get infections. Then you will die.
    7) Predators; Large land predators will quickly dwindle in #’s from starvation, which makes them more dangerous to you, as they are hungrier and more aggressive to humans. (The most dangerous predator on the north american continent, in terms of deaths caused by, is the female mosquito.) Dogs and cats will become predatory. Dogs will pack and will be vicous and starved. They would be a threat to you and your food/water supply. A scratch or bite could kill you after it infects.
    Personally, I think the chances of evading the militarized police state is nill. The lone wolf might survive given proper terrain features, equipment, and training. All large groups will be found and interned. Extreme cold levels the playing field for not only humans, but the equipment the militarized forces will be deploying on your position. Equip, escape and evade would be my gameplan.

  27. A gilley suit with or without a rifle would be high on my list of equipment, a (5).

  28. Stop worrying about freaking guns, guns are the LAST thing you should carry. You will run out of bullets eventually and find that you have no idea how to hunt without one. Learn how to find food, and prepare it for safe-eating. Learn what clean water sources look like, and how to purify unclean water. Learn how to make shelters, learn how to treat injuries, wounds and sickness. All you people preparing for an apocalyptic event by accumulating “things”, i promise you will not survive a year. When your gear runs out, your screwed. Knowledge is the best way to prepare. Of course you have to be able bodied as well, dont forget to put down the cheeseburger and go for a run. (while you wait for the end). I dont actually believe that civilization is in any danger of disapearing, but it’s good to know how to survive anyways, and my lifestyle happens to depend on it. Read hunting/fishing magazines, and anything that relates to surviving in the wilderness. (camping, for example)

  29. tminus, why do you think everything will be controlled by military police? locking people away is the least logical thing to do in a global disaster. also, soundwave and radio wave equipment used as crowd control weapons? if this technology isnt public knowledge-how do you know about it. You dont. dont preach things you dont understand. I suspect you have spent to much time following up bogus conspiracy theorys and playing video games. listen to getagirlfriend, he/she makes some good points. You however have no grip on reality.

  30. Hey, I live in Andover, KS just outside of Wichita. I was wondering what steps I should take and what equipment to gather. Also what seems to be the most likely apocalypse? Should I focus on building up a bunker/emplacement, or should I focus on getting somewhere? Also what are some possibilities for modes of transportation in post-apocalyptia? Should I get really buff and good with a knife or go airsoft waring every weekend? Thank-you, Madstone

  31. I live in central Montana. I have some knowledge of camping, hunting, hiking, food preparation and basic survival skills. I have a friend that is predicting within the next 3 to 5 years. I own 20 acres of land/no water. Can you come up with a plan for me?

  32. I am on a limited budget. I’m sure I’ll be food for the stray dogs when the big one hits LA but I at least have to try. Do you have any pointers for a survivalist noob such as myself. Thank you

  33. I live in a suburb of youngstown ohio(campbell ohio) just east of youngstown, were pretty close to the p.a. border but i want to know where would be the best place to go, im thinking about getting a small cabin (or stocking my friends uncles with supplies keeping them hidden around the property) I know how to set up supply caches but i just dont know what im going to do, should i stay in the city and try to defend my home or would i head to the mountains to this cabin.
    For weapons i have a cold steel kukri and an old bolt action .22 rifle.

  34. Sound wave emitters and radio emitters for crowd control have been in use for at least 5 years in Iraq sound wave emitter is pretty straight forward loud sounds put you down and the radio wave emitter makes you feel like your skin is melting off with no lasting side effects pretty crazy stuff this was just to back up a little bit of what tminus said even though his paranoia is getting the best of him.

  35. radio wave emmiters as weapons do not exist, your thinking of sonic emitters. a radio wave powerful enough to immediatly harm a human or even effect them, does not exist. if you tried, you would produce microwaves instead and severely damage the skin. a sonic emmiter is just a high frequency sound that can cause severe discomfort to eardrums. it is by no means effective because it can easily be overcome. this is why it is not commonly used. it can work well fro some applications but for incapacitation it just isnt powerful enough.

  36. as far as i know radio waves and microwaves dont even hurt people. we are exposed to millions of them each day when we use phones, wifi and things like that. they have the largest wavelength off all on the EMS and all electromagnetic waves can do is cause cancer. just to be clear no wave type causes physical damage. they mutate cells. this causes cancer. their is no such thing as radio wave weapons

  37. Honestly folks… has anyone ever heard of quality of life…. if it all gets that bad…pick up one of your faithful friends ..your AK whatsit and your Colt thingamy whoosit. point them at your temples and pull the trigger. In fact it may not be a such a bad idea to do it now…Get in before the big bang… government controlled mass mind takeover…. melting ozone induced climate freeze…nuclear fizbang…. b…s… and do it now. Now that would be being prepared!!!! Before we all become mutant zombies and eat each others cheek flesh of our faces.

    Watched too many movies people…are you afraid…. did George Bush manage to plant the scarey bug in your brain… are there terrorists under your beds too?????? Just buy another gun…. that fixes everything!!! Get A LIFE!

  38. “you’ll be eating crunchy Ramen noodles and wondering how your own pee tastes.”

    If I can still pee, … why is my Ramen still crunchy?

  39. I am happy to say that you are incorrect about my family. I have taken this seriously while those about me have laughed, made smart alec remarks and have just plain refused to listen. THANKFULLY, I didn’t give a darn and just kept on keeping on. SO…..I have food, money and all the supplies I could need for at least a month…maybe a year. AND I could help others….maybe not those who laughed….OK….maybe them too!
    I have a Faraday box, secret entrances, silver, gold and anything else that I read I might need. AND I did it all out of my household budget….I have even made mre’s that are delicious, nutritious and organic! It was not a hard thing to do…just took time and diligence. SO…even though my husband thought I was silly….he’s coming around and we’ve even built a bomb shelter that we could live in for some time. Last thing to do is to purchase 1 more bike and an old emp proof truck that I will have retrofitted if I need to.
    Old Dogs are sometimes the best to teach new puppies. Wish my puppies would listen instead of saying “OH MOM…REALLY!!!” Bet they’ll be here as fast as their little legs can carry them when the S–T hits the fan!

  40. Hi, I live in ireland, and wenever I Look at theretecal maps for a post apocaliptic event, it is eather under water or is to small to see clearly. What do I do? I do live on high ground, and we have a sunstantul food garden, and alot of tools and stuff, but will that matter if I am at the bottom of the ocean?

  41. Have a bug out bag ready. Getting to it will keep your head in the game. Then get out of the city. In a city you will always run into somebody bigger, stronger, better armed and/or more hungry than you. Pack your skull with knowledge about how to survive in your climate. Forget the guns, get a knife, (a good one) and learn to use it. Find people who you can trust and carry nothing worth taking. Good luck.

  42. First take this situation very seriously, it’s not a joke. If you can relocate as far from all major cities as soon as the turmoil erupts don’t wait and hope for miracles move your butt . Watch foreign economies and our own as well on current event news. Start doing research as soon as you can on survival techniques and what equipment is necessary for yourself and family, (God help the little children). I can’t stress enough that you start as soon as you can and train as if you were in the military even study miltary tactics. My point is be prepared and don’t wait any longer to start your training and study. Start stocking up on food too.

    Ridgewood, New York
    RUBBERFOOL909

  43. People need to quit being greedy with their knowledge. I know a lot of people that are skill hogs and won’t show people how to do certain things because of whatever twisted belief they have.

  44. how about naturelly occuring medicines? i have been trying to find some but its hard i am in the U.S. and i am ready but in a apocoliptic world infection is gonna be a major killer. please let me know of any in formation you might have.

  45. Need to know best place to go if the shit hits the fan
    Live in north west Florida gulf coast

  46. i dont have any money to buy things that would save myself and my family if the end does come. no gun, no food, no stock piled clothing…

  47. my friends and i have been training for as many apocalyptic scenarios as possible. we are all dirt poor, so the only things we can stock up on are knowledge and physique. however, we have found one really good way to train: marching band camp. in an apocalypse, you need combat skills, which means knowing how to work and travel together. holding those instruments up for so long while standing/ marching gives you a steady shooting hand. you learn discipline and excellent defense formations that you are trained to snap into in less than a second. there is a reason why so many band geeks are believers.
    also, you develop a bond stronger than family. you begin to travel in a large pack with your friends without realizing it because high school is like a contained apocalypse itself. being an underdog, you tend to pick up self defense and instincts that stick with you your entire life.
    i have also had the priveledge of being brought up like my ancestors: cherokees didn’t need electricity to scalp anybody. my parents have always been preppers, so they have taught me how to survive. i’m probably the only teenager who doesn’t believe in cell phones unless it will contribute to my survival. when shit hits the fan, go with the flow. you can’t prevent it, so don’t waste your energy trying to. protect your family and closest friends. i belong to the wolf clan of the cherokee, so i have been taught to protect the pack because they protect you. any other creature is a threat that should not be left untended. screw guns. those who wish to survive should take a leaf out of those native american books, and band camp isn’t just for screwing around and playing music.

  48. Get a photovoltaic solar backpack to charge your iPad, and have lots of survival and useful books on it, along with a load of survival gear from your local Hunting & Fishing store. Problem solved.
    🙂

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