The Last Guide You'll Ever Need

Get Some Long Johns

In Pre-Apocalypse on April 2, 2009 at 11:53 am

I wear long underwear six months out of the year. Now, in the spring, I go through a transition period. Like a moth emerging from a cocoon when the time is right, I determine the right springtime temperature to peel off my long-john chrysalis. Currently its 42 degrees and I’m hot as hell. I must soon transition, but going long-john free is hard to do. It’s like crack, once you’re used to the warmth and comfort, it’s hard to think about going back to that naked chilly feeling.  (Continued…)

Anyway, I’m sure you can think of more important survival gear now, but when the nuclear winter hits, a pair of long underwear will be your most cherished possession. When you’re out in the elements, everything is easier when you’re not freezing to death. Our bodies loose the most heat from one’s; head, armpits and groin. (Why do you think we have hair there?) Long underwear is the key to keeping your lower business area from losing too much heat.

Now don’t stop at just the leggings, thermal shirts are great and aren’t just for kids in punk bands. They keep you very warm and snug but also breathe very well. Retailers will try to get you to buy their super-techno-synthetic-long-johns for 40 bucks a pop. Don’t buy that crap, it’s just long underwear, stick with the cotton.

If you’re a purist and want to feel like a cowboy or a logger, get a union-suit. I wear mine every so often. They’ll keep you warm, but taking a dump through that little flap can be precarious. 

I always say, there’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothes. So dress well, starting with a pair a longies.


  1. I’d like to elaborate a little bit more on the choice of fiber for long underwear. If you think you are going to be sweating a lot (say running from mutants during the nuclear winter), you probably should consider dropping the extra cash on some non-cotton long underwear. That is going to wick away the sweat much better. However if you are going to be hunkering down cotton is fine.

  2. This is the man that is going to save your life in all his glory…
    union suit

    — the future king of upper michigan

  3. Cotton underwear is a killer. If it gets wet, you would be better without any underwear. Cotton wicks away heat from the body when wet. This may be helpful in the summer, but as warming underclothes it’s unacceptable. Wool is the best, but many synthetic cloths work well as well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: