I’ve noticed over the past year or two a growing interest in Zombies. Films, books, comics, websites, festivals, pub crawls, etc. On our public radio station last week, a doctor was discussing zombies and classifying their behavior in medical terms. He was going over what was possibly damaged in their brain and what could cause their desire for flesh. Hey! Listen up, there’s no such thing as zombies. (Continued…)
I got the pig flu last week. 103.5 degree fever with chills. Is that it? That’s what we’ve been hiding under the bed for?
I think we’ll all be ok.
Don’t Cup Your Hands: The Cheapest and Best Water Bottle for the Apocalypse
Water is possibly the most necessary thing you will need in a post-apocalyptic world. Why? Because, dum-dum, water is the body’s principle component and it makes up somewhere between 60 and 70% of our body’s weight. Without water lubing up our various systems, the body can begin to break down and damage itself. Toxins aren’t cleaned out, nutrients aren’t carried to vital cells, and you can begin to dehydrate, all of which saps you of precious energy.
Guest Post By: The Future King of Upper Michigan
Check your pockets right now. Chances are, you might have some funny colored paper with dead peoples faces on it, and maybe some jingly pieces of semi-precious metal. Do you know what those will be worth after the collapse of society? Nothing. So in this new world, with a barter economy, you’re going to need some things worth trading; and no, your grandmother’s jewelry won’t do the trick. After the collapse, gold and silver become just shiny, soft metals, so pawn that now and buy something that could be useful. What will become the new currency? We have compiled a helpful list of some possibilities. (continued) Read the rest of this entry »
The trailer for the Apocalyptic gut wrencher/tear jerker has been released. If you want to get a glimpse of how dificult it will be to survive in the post-apocatlyptic world, read this book and then watch this film.
The trailer makes it look like a summer popcorn zombie flick, but Esquire magazine has seen it and promise the film is just as bleak and remose as the book. (Continued)
A gun should be at the top of your survival list, unless of course you’re an idiot. If you have only seen guns in movies, you should not get a gun. I imagine many of you knuckleheads buying a pistol, that you insist on calling a “glock,” and holding it at an angle while you try to remember Bustas’ lines from Higher Learning. (Continued…)
[update] The Homeland Security Secretary has declared the Pig Flu to be bull shit. You all have more time to prepare for the apocalypse.
The World Health Organization has raised its pandemic alert for swine flu to the second highest level, meaning that it believes a global outbreak of the disease is imminent.
Don’t run for the hills yet, but the doomsday clock is starting to move. Too bad, my book hasn’t even come out yet.
Dick Proenneke was a WWII veteran who lived alone in the high mountains of Alaska at a place called Twin Lakes. He built a small cabin using nothing but rudimentary tools. He died in 2003, but left his cabin to the parks service and it remains today as a popular visitor attraction in the still-remote Twin Lakes region. This is a trimmed down video of the great film Alone in the Wilderness, which Dick shot himself while building his cabin. This film is mostly centered on how to build a log cabin, but there are other great tips in here as well. I highly recommend watching the whole film, It’s on PBS a couple times a year. If nothing else, enjoy this shortened version about a peaceful retiree surviving on his own in the wilderness. (Continued…)
Dear Sir, i first want to congratulate you on your fine website. I am writing for some advice for when the big one comes, I currently live near Bilbao, Northern Spain, about 10 kms from the centre and im interested in your advice. I live with my wife and small son. What would you suggest is the safest place to go in the world or Europe? or do you think i should stay put with the crazy basques and tough it out in a tribe somewhere near the mountains? good luck and enjoy every day.yours guy:) aka jediprof
It is good of you to ask my Basque friend! Though, it’s best to leave Star Wars delusions behind jediprof, the Apocalypse will not be kind to you or your continent. Though not as bad as Asia, Europe is set up to be a cesspool in the post-apocalyptic world. It lacks open country, it’s people are used to provider-type governments and the population density is 4 times that of the United States. Now that’s fine when your sewers are working properly and the 40 million people around you are well fed and not looking to steal your last jar of berberechos. After the Apocalypse hits you’ll want to get the hell out of there. (Continued)
Often when we think of the Apocalypse we think of natural, social or nuclear disasters. Let me remind you that 700 years ago, half the population of Europe was wiped out by a nasty oozy pandemic. If the human race ever witnessed a real Apocalypse it certainly was then.
It’ll happen again, but you don’t give a damn because you’re hoping big brother government will bail you out with some vaccine. Wake up buddy. How high on the list do you think you’ll be when they start handing out the limited supply of drugs, face masks and ventilators? Can you see them backing up the semi trucks with police in riot gear yelling, “Step back people! We need to vaccinate the computer programmers and Cold-Stone Ice Cream Artists first!” These supplies will go to cops, nurses and government officials. So unless you’re in for a career change you’ll probably die of some crappy bird flu. (continued)
Guest column by Stevelknievel
My hearty beard and stout build (read: fat) are about the best survival techniques the Good Lord has blessed me with. So, for those who haven’t had years of hunting experience, I’d recommend bringing along a bit of literature to not only learn to hunt, but also pass the days until the dirty bomb cloud disperses and I can return home to find everyone of my rude and unthoughtful neighbors have died.
One of the books I’d bring along would be “The Tracker: The Story of Tom Brown, Jr.” as told to William Jon Watkins.
While not in wide publication, the 1978 Prentice-Hall publication documents the life and times of the ultimate tracker, and provides useful tips and diagrams to hunt small prey in the woods.
With subject matter such as “Cold Training”; “Night Crawl” and “Invisible Walking”, Watkins deftly weaves a narrative of the ultimate tracker’s young life, into a yarn that also teaches us how to appreciate nature, and then kill it in 190 pages. (Continued)
Now that you’ve got your base for a fire, enough fuel (wood, sticks, paper, peat, etc.) and you’ve created your ‘nest’ to start the flame, you’ll need a spark. You did pack sparks didn’t you? Never mind, we’ll make our own. Luckily there are a few ways to make sparks. Which option you pick is up to how much your sorry ass prepared and where you’re building your fire. For example, if you’re up on the tundra you would rather burn the scarce wood instead of make a bow drill, but you could polish up a piece of ice to magnify the sun upon your caribou fur fire. It does work. (Continued)
Just to clear something up, it’s going to be as cold as a witches tit during this apocalypse. In many scenarios the sun will be blotted out by dust or pollution and only those that are able to withstand the long extreme cold will survive. Don’t think that you can just head to Miami either, everyone is going to be heading there, and not just Cubans and Grandmas anymore. You’re going to need to avoid people for a while so be prepared to endure some tougher climates. Getting a good pair of mittens should be number one. (Continued)
The Apocalypse can come about from an economic meltdown or from a social upheaval, but most predict it will be the result of the impact of an asteroid or a nuclear weapon. To be prepared for these doomsday flying objects it would be helpful for you knuckleheads to understand blast zones for your place of residence. Follow this link and locate your city. Then pick the type of devastating object you want dropped on your town. You’ll see if moving to those sterile second ring suburbs will save you or not.
No need to head out the door yet, but keep an ear to the ground on the troubles in Gaza. If there is going to be a World War III within the next 5 years it’s going to start in Israel. This could be the beginning of a much more serious world conflict, which in turn could become a devastating holy war. I’m not giving a red alert here, it’s more like a Scooby Doo “raugh row” alert.
Read more here.
This is not the car of the future
The internal combustion engine has proven to be one of the most earth changing inventions in human history. Between generators, cars, chain saws, and a plethora of other useful things, a well running engine could be the difference between life and death. While you may not have the opportunity to gain proficiency in engine maintenance, knowing a few basic things will go a long way. This knowledge has the added benefit of being helpful in these pre apocalyptic days as well.
Now, there are two reasons why you don’t know how to fix your own car. One is because you’re lazy and would rather pay someone else to do it. The second is because newer cars are becoming harder to work on in the garage. It’s one thing to patch a hose or replace an alternator by unscrewing it, but today’s cars are becoming more and more electrical and the average Joe can’t do it without a soldering gun. Even the mechanics don’t know how to fix these cars. You go in with a problem and they say, “Oh, I have to plug it into the computer to see what’s wrong with it.” Really? Is that how far we’ve come? The Apocalypse looks closer than ever. (Continued)
Tyalgum
Hey, Sean Murphy here,
I may be a little out of your geographical area of expertise, but I was wondering what suggestions you have for more. I live in the city of Brisbane, on the east coast of Australia. I’m in the suburbs on the northern side of the city. The city itself is one of the most spread out around so it extends quite a way in each direction and there are quite a few small towns nearby. Transport wise, my family has two cars and 5 members. Hope that’s enough, let me know, cheers.
Good news Sean, everything is going to be OK. Australia is one of the better spots to avoid any major cataclysm. Aside from the rising tides from global warming, your main fear should be tsunamis. In your Apocalypse survival gear I’d include 5 life-jackets just in case. Don’t let your kids talk you into ‘floaties.’ Otherwise, it doesn’t appear that you’ll need to worry about a nuclear fallout or a nasty pandemic. Your island and location protects you from a lot of the worst the world can throw at you…
Cannibalism is disgusting and “ethically questionable” at best. However the potential of having to deal with either your own temptations or the cannibalistic tendencies of the remnants of humanity is pretty much inevitable. Once the apocalypse strips away all our “normal” food sources, people will get desperate. Starving to death takes a long time so there will be plenty of time to talk your self into it. If you wait until you are put in that position to decide your stance on cannibalism you may make a mistake you will really, really regret. So it is of utmost importance to think it through carefully now, so when you are already reeling with post traumatic stress syndrome from what ever calamity wiped out society, you do not have to struggle with this complex ethical dilemma on an empty stomach…. (Grotesquely Continued)
To survive the apocalypse you may find your self trekking across the wasted world, looking for safety, possibly held up on a farm trying rebuild some semblance of society. In many circumstances you will want to make the best use of whatever combustion engines you can find. They’ll be plenty of rusted out cars out there, but no gas. Get a leg up on those freakazoid cannibals by filling up your Mad Max machine with biodiesel.
You maybe able to scavenge traditional gas or diesel. However, it would probably be prudent to have a working knowledge of making your own biodiesel. “Biodiesel!” You say, “Isn’t that just for hippies?” Yes, but if they are the only ones who know how to make it, then the post-apocalyptic world will be run by hippies. That’s scarier than freakazoid cannibals. Think of Mad Max in a VW bus… (continued)
“Stop these patronizing posts!” You’re saying. “I know how to build a fire.” I bet you do, but in the coming apocalypse you may have problems finding butane refills for your lighter. Also, starting a fire is tough to do when you need one. Most folks can get a rolling fire going to cook their s’mores, but when its 30 below and your hands are blue it can be a bit tougher. The most important thing is to keep your head. Don’t rush to find the closest burnables available. If they are damp you’re going to waste valuable time. Find small pieces of wood and bark. Birch bark will burn when wet and will be the post-apocalyptic currency so collect it when you see it. Leave those big logs behind. I know you want to build a huge fire, but the bigger the log the more water it’s going to have inside and water doesn’t burn so well. Big logs will burn longer but if it’s heat you’re after, small branches burn with more intensity because they are more easily consumed.
Pick a good place your fire. Stay out of the wind of course, and maybe try to find a boulder to build your fire next to. This will reflect some of that heat back on to you. You’re not working to heat the out of doors…
Gun possession is a controversial subject. In our pre-apocalyptic world a lot of people do not want guns around because they are dangerous. Don’t be a pussy. Once that apocalypse hits you’re going to wish you had one. If you’re a big anti gun person you can pat yourself on the back while you lick soup can labels and the rest of us get an adequate protein intake.
“Well, I can grow food and if I really want meat I can trap it”, and you may be right if the “apocalypse” is more like big tea party then a world wide calamity. The hard truth is that as the apocalyptic conditions go from bad to worse, you will likely have to be on the move. With the collapse of society, certain climates are going to become increasingly dangerous. If the apocalypse ushers in massive climate change of the cold variety, you had really better be ready to move. Now don’t throw away those seeds, but if you have to be on the move, hunting may very well be your only chance at a consistent source of food…..
Read the rest of this entry »
A requirement of survival in the post-apocalyptic world is finding a loyal pup to trot along the wasteland with you. It’s going to be tough out there and you’re going to need someone to talk to. Dogs are the best option because they don’t talk back and eat less than a human companion would. Also, if you’ve watched any movies about the end of the world you know that post-apocalyptic dogs are very well trained. They have to be. The dogs you’ll find in this new world are conditioned for the hardships and know what it takes to survive. They’ll be loyal to you because of the happiness you give them, and will also be well trained due to the fact that they’ve survived thus far. Think about dogs that incessantly bark, eat plaster, jump up on people or eat so many sticks their poop looks like haystacks. Do you think those kinds of dogs will survive? No way, and thus I doubt I’ll be seeing my dog afterwards…
If you meet a stranger looking for a buddy, don’t invite him along. People in the afterworld can get quite annoying if they haven’t spoken to anyone for a while. Sure it may be fun at first chatting about old TV shows you used to watch or your favorite cereal, but you’ll find it won’t stop. The guy won’t go away and then he’ll start asking for some of your food. It’ll then be nearly impossible to ditch him. You won’t have an excuse, “Oh you know, I can’t stay, I got to go and…” What? He knows you got nothing on your agenda…
