Don’t Cup Your Hands

Don’t Cup Your Hands: The Cheapest and Best Water Bottle for the Apocalypse

Water is possibly the most necessary thing you will need in a post-apocalyptic world. Why? Because, dum-dum, water is the body’s principle component and it makes up somewhere between 60 and 70% of our body’s weight. Without water lubing up our various systems, the body can begin to break down and damage itself. Toxins aren’t cleaned out, nutrients aren’t carried to vital cells, and you can begin to dehydrate, all of which saps you of precious energy.

Escape From D.C.

Chosen Savior,

I am very afraid of the apocalypse coming any day now.  I have been
waiting for it since 1999, however I live in a different city now than
when the millennium came.  Can you help me come up with a new plan?

I live in an apartment building in Washington DC, I have a four door
car and will be traveling solo.  Should I head North or South?

Yours,
Distraught in the District

 

The East Coast will be as tough as Europe to survive in, but in the words of Dave Chappel;  D.C.? Word. That’s a rough city, man. Never mind the traffic or population density, your biggest problem is being #1 on the bomb list. D.C., along with New York, is the most obvious target for rogue-nations and terrorists alike. Before planning your escape  from D.C., you should really learn how to build a bomb shelter. (Continued…)

Learn to Hot Wire

I just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I dreamt I was in a crowded parking lot after a high school football game when I hear someone yell and point to the sky. I look up to see little lights zipping around the sky firing off beams at what appeared to be distant aircraft. It was damn aliens! We were being invaded! Now aliens don’t scare me, but what terrified me was that I was in a crowded parking lot, full of RVs. Not exactly an ideal situation to make a quick exit. To make matters worse, I had forgotten how to hot-wire a car. This was it, the apocalypse was here and I wasn’t prepared to survive.  I awoke relieved to find myself safe in my bomb shelter but troubled that I had not taken the time to explain to ya’all a very important skill for surviving the Apocalypse. How to hot-wire a car. (Continued…)